New Years Eve...A Dreary Time for a Lonely Teenager...

Man...I think the one thing that I hate about New Year's Eve is that when ever we have friends over....they are all adults. This is for any party or celebration. After all the kids in my complex moved away [the ones I knew as friends], I just didn't bother anymore because I felt helpless. I feel sop lonely and I have this feeling that it's going to stay that way...even through highschool. I guess I'll see soon enough, all I know is that I feel like crap right now. My cycle came down and everything hurts, including the emotional parts of me. I just want to sleep and all the troubles go away, but that never happens to anyone [unless they have alzheimers and I don't want that]. I've got to do some things so......

Later.
K.Girl

Oh Man! WTF is Going on Here?

Okay, yesterday I felt like shit. I didn't take a nap when my sister did, so I was exhausted. I hadn't eaten much either. I made a grilled cheese for my sister and after she begged me for it, she didn't eat it. So I said eat and she took like 5 bites. I threw it away and put here down for a nap. I was irritated because I felt like a bad sister because she wouldn't eat, so I didn't eat out of guilt. Later when mom got home, Kayla woke up and I wanted to get some corned beef hash because I was hungry (it started bothering me). When I said I wasn't really planning on sharing with Kayla, my mom got on me and put a fact out that made no sense (she said that WE used to eat a whole can TOGETHER when I was YOUNGER and had a SMALLER APPETITE!) and then I had to share with her and guees what...I WASN'T FULL! I swear that they are slowly starving me. They try to trick me into thinking that the foods they buy is something I've eaten before because they know I won't remember. They refuse to buy the foods I like so I'll have no choice. I say I want to gain weight, but yet I stay at 132 lbs. I hate this so much.

Another thing is I base my crush status on people I know I can probably go somewhere with (gemini and virgo). Virgo hasn't worked twice and gemini....I'm beginning to second guess the theory of me getting along with anybody outside the family cirle who is gemini or virgo. I'll probably just play hard to get and just ignore a whole bunch of guys except my guy friends.

Plus one thing I have noticed is that my mother half-asses stuff I ask of her. Her latest favorite is my hair. She washes.....twists half of it and briads that part wet ( we have crinkles ladies and gentlemen). Then something comes up, a relative or friend calls and she just has to pull away (she talks so long on the phone that the other side of my hair dries out), or she just has to handle something on the computer (and she really can't because then Kayla mysteriously wakes up from her nap and wants to cuddle and play while she's typing some big paper or looking up something [probably another food recipe I don't eat] so it takes a half hour longer). Then when she finally comes back, the other side of my hair is dry (but it will crinkle because it will be in for a while [she says that now...imagine you come in to school from a humid day and not only does your scalp dry out from no oil {she refusese to get ti because she thinks that gfrease will solve all our problems and that the money for that can go to red wine....drunk} but one side of your hair is flat and the other crinkled, so you look like a hobo]). Then when it goes flat she says...Oh my, it must be the humidity......DUH YOU FUCKING IDIOT, AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT I LOOK LIKE SHIT BECAUSE THE OTHER SIDE ISN'T FLAT SINCE YOU ONLY DID ONE SIDE CORRECTLY! I have no idea what to do and I can't talk to them because somewhere in the middle I'll get cut off and then everything else at that moment will sound stupid so I just give up. I just want a break. I hope that this bad luck streak doesn't continue through next year. I hope it goes away fast (unless mom's new year resolution is to be more off a bitch).

I feel terrible right now (for some reason, after expressing anger I feel depressed, probably because it's not really talking to anybody). I hope Daddy checks my blog, because I need a Daddy Hug....

Depressed...
K.Girl

Just to Let You Know...

Just a little thing that get's on my nerves, is how my mother automatically assumes stuff and sticks with them. My father is anti-social and rude to his family and not to his friends. And how quickly some of my friends are to act all rude, mean, and bipolar towards me and then expect me to forgive them so easily or see their way of the situation rather thatn my own. I just wanted to say taht since I don't have Jason and Alicia to talk to right now.

Later,
K.Girl

New Year, Please Come Sooner...

Well, I'm back from the underworld. My monitor went out and I got an LCD for Christmas. Daddy is still being bipolar (in a bad way). I'm still stuck in the house, and this time I'm babysitting my sister (sure I get paid for it, but I can't use it on myself). I had to watch my sister on my days off from school and I still do. I got a Barnes and Noble gift card and 55 dollars, that's 85 dollars that I could've used for my benefit. Instead, I got Christmas presents for every one and came home with 11 dollars and 80 cents. I didn't even use that on myself. IDK, maybe I'm being selfish, but I'm owed for a bad summer, screwy school year and a lot of other stuff. I got two movies (Devil Wears Prada and FullMetal Alchemist), a 19" LCD Flat Panel, a shawl, a necklace and an amethyst rock, and a night stand for Christmas. I love it, but, for some reason the green ugly monster of my year coming to an end has appeared. I'm remembering everything that happened this summer and this year and how it just kinda ruined my outlook on things. IDK. I gotta go, my food is in the microwave and it is beeping.

Later,
K.Girl