No Faith Left... Too Many Disappointments

Well... it's official...I've lost faith in my parents. For almost a month now I have been asking to get a visit to the hair salon. For almost a month now, it has been put off to the side, forgotten and cancelled. For a week or two now my Mom and I have been trying to get my cellphone. It has been forgotten and put off until the next paycheck. Since the very end of August, I have been told that I will get new clothes, that hasn't happened either. Once I start working...this will be no longer. When I look like a fuzzball, I will schedule a appointment and get my hair done. When I need airtime on my phone, I will get a $40 top-up card and top-up. If I need new clothes, I will see what I can do to find a good price on some jeans and T-shirts. I don't like this "Let's put this off until later," attitude. The problem is I can't do anything about it. Iff I address it, I'll get this "We're doing our best," speech and the "When you pay bills and rent and have your own kids then you can tell us what's best for you," speech and I don't want that. I just want an "Okay, we'll see what we can do about it," and it happens. Not "We'll see what we can do about it," and I'm reminding you about it 4 weeks later. Got to go, my back has been hurting because i sit up straight with my shoulders back, I need so sleep to get this tuff off my head.

Unfaithful and stressed...
K.Girl

Just Informing Ya'

Okay, the apartment complex is under new management, and we were worried at first, but this place is pretty good, so we don't have to worry about much.

We still need to move because I still need my own bedroom, so my parents are looking for places not o far so that I can stay at Campbell High, and we will all have our space.

Still about to bust from so much food...
K.Girl : /

Jerky Parents and Lovesickness

Okay, now if I were to put up a sign saying go away, my dad would barge right in saying "That hurts our feelings, you should be grateful that you have a father and blah blah blah etc..." so why is it when I try to talk to my father through instant messaging, he sends me a wink (it's a little short that you send to express your feelings) that says, in bold letters, "GO AWAY!" What the &#%$ is your problem dude, I'm trying to talk to you. Any other time you sitting there play crying about "You don't love me, you won't talk to be!" That's all right though, he'll just have to figure out what he did wrong and why I'm not talking to him. That's like the second time today he's been jerky (I'll blow off the first one only because he said sorry for making me cry [apparently I startled him when I exerted force in my tone to sister because she was throwing stuff and I was trying to prevent her from getting in trouble {she would eventually throw it at Mom or dad and get yelled at resulting in her feeling being hurt}, so then he yells at me and gets me upset...but he said sorry, so I'll let it go]). I feel sleepy, my head hurts, and I'm going to bust I'm so full of food.

Sleepy and hurting...
K.Girl

P.S. I was a little disappointed that Michael couldn't come skating, but at least he didn't say straight out "NO!", right? :/

I COMPLETELY FORGOT!!!!!!!

I feel horrible. I completely forgot to pick-up my friends so we could go skating. Michael said he couldn't come skating and then I forgot to go get my friends so we could go. I was out with my parents trying to find a house that we were going to look into. Now my Dad has a splitting headache and my Mom isn't feeling well. I think my friends hate me now. I haven't heard from them. I'll keep trying though.

Gotta go.

Sayonara,
K.Girl

Overwhelmed, Love Sick, Stressed, and Discouraged

Well let's see. I am becoming slightly overwhelmed with all of my school work. I am love sick (I want someone to like me). I'm extra fussy because of THE BIG M. I want to get certain things for school benefit, but my mother pointed out something and I got completely discouraged (she told me I shouldn't give candy rewards after a game/activity because it might cost too much and give people the idea that I give out candy after every planned class activity). I need to get my hair done for picture day, money for my dues, dividers for my binders, and I need money for the payment on pictures (that probably won't happen). I am unfaithful (I have no faith in future planned events because they get canceled at the last minute), I am turning into a vain, bitchy, spoiled brat (one of those preppie girls who dies and goes to hell with guilt and grief). I feel like my spirit has just disappeared for ever. I can't help but wonder if these feelings are just from THE BIG M and that they will dissipate when it's over (I hope so because these feelings suck, I don't need this right before and or during 9/11). I need to go entertain my sister (that means log off, go onto guest and turn on "NICK JR.COM"

Later.
K.Girl

I Wait for the Perfect Man

The love I want has yet to come, but I wait for the perfect man.

In my wait I find myself looking to other people who are happy in their relationships.

From pictures in anime to my friends who have boyfriends or girlfriends.

I find myself looking for love through others.

When will he come and take me away, to cherish me and take care of me?

When will he come to kiss and hug me and confide in me?

Will that day ever come, will I meet the perfect man?

Will he find me to be the perfect girl?

Just for the Record

I'm not liking my sister and her disobedient, independent at the wrong time self. It really gets on my nerves.

Sacrifice Is Biting Me in the Ass, but Freedom Will Soon Come.

I know I'm a child and my parents sacrificed for me for thirteen years, but lately I feel like I have been sacrificing more for people outside the family or for things we don't need. For example, I need the following... lotion, deodorant (of my own, my mother uses mine, so it goes faster), and a visit to the hair salon (my locs look like crap, I want to get them crinkled for school). Lately that has been put off for longer than I'm comfortable with. Mom would always remind me if we needed something and I might've mentioned it, but she put it all on me, and when I do point out what we need I get attitude that says "I'm not stupid, I know what we need." Earlier in the year Mom was getting Dad and me hair appointments left and right, now we keep putting them off and my head looks like a nest (Mom, Dad, that is my opinion). I don't know how to address it and get my point across. All I know is that when I'm fourteen, I'm getting a work permit and a job, and the only thing I will need from my parents is a roof over my head, and transportation until I'm sixteen and I get my driver's permit.

Anxious to be older as usual...
K.Girl =)

I'm Guilty and I Don't Want Pity

I deserved it. Last night when Dad yelled at me he said sorry to me this morning. At first I didn't feel obligated to say sorry back. But Mom sent me on a guilt trip and I deserved it. I said sorry to Daddy and now I just feel terrible. After Mommy made her point, I don't even have any spunk left. It's actually better this way, I'm not snappy and mean. I'm easier to get along with when I'm this way. Got to go, I need to get something to eat since I have a headache.

Stress and Tears Caused by Impatient Fathers

Okay, so after my parents picked me up from Rock-a-Thon, we head home and I go pass out. Later I get up and get ready to go to our my parents friend, Julius' place for a BBQ. His annoying daughter, Aria and Allegra (strangely they were good today) are there. So I'm stuck with an anti-socialist/non-emotionalist (I don't even think that's a word, oh well), and a cuddly brat who loves brat dolls. Then, Julius has us watching documentaries about Hurricane Katrina and I'm sitting there crying (not to mention their place was like one of those humid days with a fortunate gust of breeze). We leave and go to Kroger and get some stuff. I wanted to get lotion and dividers, but Mom said "no". Then when we got in the car I asked Mom about getting my hair done, she said that I needed clothes more than anything. So later dad asked me what was up, I said that it was nothing. Mom offered the idea of me getting paid for my chores. I wasn't sure if I could say no or not, so I asked do I have a choice in this. Soon, dad began to yell at me for that question because, to them, it sounded like a smart ass question. I started crying because it added on to what I was thinking about (when I get overwhelmed, I'm reduced to tears). When we got home he continued on how he can never get what he wants all the time, so why should I and why should I complain about it ( he does too). We park the car and as I open the door he says "I know you had better not go up stairs without getting at least one bag, so I bust out "Why do you tell me stuff if you don't know if I'm going to do them or not and what makes you think I won't?!" Dad says stop yelling and goes upstairs with attitude. Mom and I talk it out and I say sorry. Then that all leads up to him not saying sorry. So here I am, typing away. Got to go, getting sleepy.

Sleepy and depressed as usual..
K.Girl =(

P.S. This is the second time this week he has made me cry.