Just Another Update; IRRITATED!!!!
YELLOW ALERT!!!!! YELLOW ALERT!!!! YELLOW ALERT!!!!Okay the hairstyle went over good, details at www.loaths.blogspot.com . Now I have a new issue. For some reason my mother is forcing stuff on me. For example, telling the doctor everything that I do that she thinks is bad for my health and or well-being [and I mean every little thing {when I scratch dead skin off or bite the inside of my mouth too much}]. I hate her control-freak attitude and I want it to stop. I tell her I don't appreciate it and then she stops, but it's only a matter of time [two weeks after the STOP IT conversation] and she's at it again. I'm tiredof it. IRRITATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
YELLOW ALERT!! YELLOW ALERT!! YELLOW ALERT!!
I talked to my mother and she still said it wasn't okay for a ponytail. I'm still not relieved of all the stress I have because it was added to by mom telling me I need to find a college down here and I should go to an all black college and I need to look now and......LET ME BE A KID FOR A SECOND AND WORRY ABOUT ALL THAT LATER!!!! I'M ALL READY MATURE FOR MY AGE AND I NEED TO LET MYSELF HAVE FUN!!! Plus I don't see why we cant' just compromise and I can just leave my hair braided in a ponytail. I don't want the headphone look. I don't even know why I try anymore. I try to reach a compromise and destress and it doesn't work [and when I get Daddy on her, she gets upset].
Going to go play TextTwist now.....
NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!!!!!P.S. When I'm really angry and nervous I write in yellow.
Oh Boy, This is Nerve-Wrecking!!
Once again, I'm am lonely and I feel forgotten. The twenty that I was going to use for things I THINK I need, I can't have because there is ANOTHER money shortage. I have to keep sharing my food with my sister and then my parents wonder why I'm always still hungry [the foods that I eat, Kayla eats half of to fill her so called fist sized tummy....HELLO, OUR STOMACHS EXPAND!!!! FIST SIZED OR NOT, I'M NOT FULL AND THEN YOU BLAME IT ON MY EATING HABITS!!!!!! NOT FAIR AT ALL!!!]. I went to the salon like I wanted and got my hair twisted and styled, but now I have a style that makes me look like Princess Laya, just not quite [I look like I have headphones on the back of my head, and it's like my head is ten times it's size]. It's being held together by a rubberband and some bobby pins. I just want it in a ponytail, not an extended head style, but a ponytail [and I don't even have to unbraid it]. My parents won't even let me do that because they think it's so cute [only because I can't hide behind my hair, I like that]. Plus I don't want anyone to say anything to me [I don't want Michael to see me because if he compliments me, I'm going to blush like no black person has blushed in history.....but if someone says something mean, I'm going to die....at least with a ponytail, no one has that leverage]. I'm lonely as hell and it sucks. Sure I've got my hair done, but it's not the way I like it. It's in a way that makes me worry like hell. If I complain I'm going to go back to get my hair done by my mother [that's a disaster in itself {she suggested that we get a hair dryer, but all these money shortages don't seem to make it possible}]. That's why on Monday and Tuesday I'm going in early not only because I don't want to pass by the ghetto gang that is near the entrance from the buses [ and I don't want to be stared at by the peoples at my bus stop] but I have to get my work permit so I can start working and get the stuff I think I need on my own somehow. My mother says that there is always money coming in, but we are living off of Daddy's paycheck. We seem to run out so quickly. All the troubles that my parents go through, I see and it makes me not want to grow up. It makes me want to just stay away from it all [I want to move to a socialist country I'll tell you that much]. I have to go start some laundry so I have socks for school tomorrow.Later,K.GirlP.S. My Dad said that with my hair out of my face, maybe Michael will notice me...I told I really don't give a damn [trust me Daddy, I don't].
Oh Boy, Not Another Argument
Okay, I go to sleep earlier this morning (about 1 am) to my father playing a video game and my mother trying to put my sister to sleep. I wake up to an argument that I can't get away from. Now I'm blasting what music I could download before my computer stopped working correctly. We were supposed to be going to Home Depot, but apparently that 's not going to happen. I got $60 for watching my sister, and I can't use it on myself....I have to use it for school supplies (man, I hate being good and stuff sometimes).Gotta go and drown out this argument with a little more base....Sayonara....K.Girl
