I Think I Have an Internet Crush
It keeps my heart protected and it's fun. I want to meet him but we'll be exchange pictures soon. He'll send a picture of him and his new kitten and I'll send a picture of my and my cats Peaches and Fizzgig.
Yah! I'm Back From The Dead!!!!!
Ahh! Okay, just so u know, I'm leaving before school is out [AWESOME!]. Iffy Spring Break, and my parents and I have been going on and off for days [and I mean DAYS!]. Ha! There I'm done.K.Girl ;)Oh and just for the record, I've been occupied with a website called:http://www.gaiaonline.com/It's really cool. Try it.
Well, Here You Go....
Since I can't talk about whats bothering me on my blog, I will get a journal. This will only be about my weekends and what I did. That means Friday through Sunday, Spring, Summer and Winter Break, and any other breaks from school.
Stressed Out
Okay. I am not feeling well because my bronchitis decided to react to a cold so badly that everytime I move too much, breathe through my mouth for too long, or the air isn't evenly cool and warm, then I start hacking like I'm trying to bring up a lung. My mom is being a little crabby lately, to my sister most especially, and is really getting on my nerves. When I blast my music my parents tell me turn it down or put on your headphones. I can't blast my music when they aren't home because I have to listen out for the phone or I'm watching my sister, who is a spark kill when all she wants to hear is the same lame song Dad plays on his computer. I'm so tired because I haven't been sleeping well and I'm up late from all my homework, but on the weekends my mom won't let me sleep in because she needs me to watch Kayla or help clean up. You guys told me a while back to thigns on my own [weither you guys are sleeping or not], SO WHY CAN'T YOU!! WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN I WAS A CAREFREE TWO YEAR OLD AND YOU HAD TO CLEAN UP BY YOURSELF BECAUSE THE OTHER PARENT WAS AT WORK OR OUT HANDLING BUSINESS, HUH? WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING YOU TELL ME TO BE INDEPENDENT ON, YOU HAVE TO BOTHER ME FOR? IT'S NOT FAIR! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CAN YELL AT ME AND HURT MY FEELINGS AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY I'M DEPRESSED AND NOT TALKING OR EATING. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I THINK ABOUT RUNNING AWAY, BUT THAT'S STUPID BECAUSE I HAVE IT ALOT BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE DO SO SHOULD HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO AND MY FRIENDS ARE PROBABLY GETTING TIRED OF ME COMPLANING ABOUT THE SAME THINGS. THERE ARE SO MANY RULES TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. DON'T DO THIS OR YOU'LL DAMAGE YOUR HAIR, SKIN, FACE AND EVERYTHING! SURE IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL BUT IT IS! I WANT A BREAK. BEING A GIRL IS HARD ENOUGH. IT'S NOT FUN WHEN YOU TRY TO TALK AND YOUR FEELINGS GET HURT EVEN MORE. IT'S NOT FUN WHEN YOUR HAVE TO GO INTO THE MEN'S SECTION FOR SHOES AND THE WOMENS SECTION FOR CLOTHES BECAUSE YOUR SO TALL AND YOU KEEP GROWING AND YOUR FEET ARE SO BIG. YOU CAN'T FIND ANYTHING CUTE THAT WON'T LOOK TO GROWN UP AND WON'T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WORK AT A STRIP CLUB ON THE DAILY BASIS! I mentioned my want for a boyfriend to my Dad and he basically said "No fucking way,". Sure it may not seem like a big deal, but it is for someone who has never been liked by boys, period because you seemed annoying and obnoxious, it is. It would mean alot to a girl like me for a guy I like to ask me out somewhere. Plus it's hard to find a decent guy in Georgia who is taller than you, cute, and treats you with respect. Most of them I'm just not interested in, I don't find them cute, or they are GHETTO, COUNTRY BUMPKINS! I HAVE A CRUSH ON A DECENT GUY, BUT HE ALL READY HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND HE'S NOT INTERESTED!
There is more on my stress in my other blog: www.loaths.blogspot.com ; so go there and find out the rest.
To be continued..................
Just Another Update; IRRITATED!!!!
YELLOW ALERT!!!!! YELLOW ALERT!!!! YELLOW ALERT!!!!Okay the hairstyle went over good, details at www.loaths.blogspot.com . Now I have a new issue. For some reason my mother is forcing stuff on me. For example, telling the doctor everything that I do that she thinks is bad for my health and or well-being [and I mean every little thing {when I scratch dead skin off or bite the inside of my mouth too much}]. I hate her control-freak attitude and I want it to stop. I tell her I don't appreciate it and then she stops, but it's only a matter of time [two weeks after the STOP IT conversation] and she's at it again. I'm tiredof it. IRRITATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
YELLOW ALERT!! YELLOW ALERT!! YELLOW ALERT!!
I talked to my mother and she still said it wasn't okay for a ponytail. I'm still not relieved of all the stress I have because it was added to by mom telling me I need to find a college down here and I should go to an all black college and I need to look now and......LET ME BE A KID FOR A SECOND AND WORRY ABOUT ALL THAT LATER!!!! I'M ALL READY MATURE FOR MY AGE AND I NEED TO LET MYSELF HAVE FUN!!! Plus I don't see why we cant' just compromise and I can just leave my hair braided in a ponytail. I don't want the headphone look. I don't even know why I try anymore. I try to reach a compromise and destress and it doesn't work [and when I get Daddy on her, she gets upset].
Going to go play TextTwist now.....
NOT A HAPPY CAMPER!!!!!P.S. When I'm really angry and nervous I write in yellow.
Oh Boy, This is Nerve-Wrecking!!
Once again, I'm am lonely and I feel forgotten. The twenty that I was going to use for things I THINK I need, I can't have because there is ANOTHER money shortage. I have to keep sharing my food with my sister and then my parents wonder why I'm always still hungry [the foods that I eat, Kayla eats half of to fill her so called fist sized tummy....HELLO, OUR STOMACHS EXPAND!!!! FIST SIZED OR NOT, I'M NOT FULL AND THEN YOU BLAME IT ON MY EATING HABITS!!!!!! NOT FAIR AT ALL!!!]. I went to the salon like I wanted and got my hair twisted and styled, but now I have a style that makes me look like Princess Laya, just not quite [I look like I have headphones on the back of my head, and it's like my head is ten times it's size]. It's being held together by a rubberband and some bobby pins. I just want it in a ponytail, not an extended head style, but a ponytail [and I don't even have to unbraid it]. My parents won't even let me do that because they think it's so cute [only because I can't hide behind my hair, I like that]. Plus I don't want anyone to say anything to me [I don't want Michael to see me because if he compliments me, I'm going to blush like no black person has blushed in history.....but if someone says something mean, I'm going to die....at least with a ponytail, no one has that leverage]. I'm lonely as hell and it sucks. Sure I've got my hair done, but it's not the way I like it. It's in a way that makes me worry like hell. If I complain I'm going to go back to get my hair done by my mother [that's a disaster in itself {she suggested that we get a hair dryer, but all these money shortages don't seem to make it possible}]. That's why on Monday and Tuesday I'm going in early not only because I don't want to pass by the ghetto gang that is near the entrance from the buses [ and I don't want to be stared at by the peoples at my bus stop] but I have to get my work permit so I can start working and get the stuff I think I need on my own somehow. My mother says that there is always money coming in, but we are living off of Daddy's paycheck. We seem to run out so quickly. All the troubles that my parents go through, I see and it makes me not want to grow up. It makes me want to just stay away from it all [I want to move to a socialist country I'll tell you that much]. I have to go start some laundry so I have socks for school tomorrow.Later,K.GirlP.S. My Dad said that with my hair out of my face, maybe Michael will notice me...I told I really don't give a damn [trust me Daddy, I don't].
Oh Boy, Not Another Argument
Okay, I go to sleep earlier this morning (about 1 am) to my father playing a video game and my mother trying to put my sister to sleep. I wake up to an argument that I can't get away from. Now I'm blasting what music I could download before my computer stopped working correctly. We were supposed to be going to Home Depot, but apparently that 's not going to happen. I got $60 for watching my sister, and I can't use it on myself....I have to use it for school supplies (man, I hate being good and stuff sometimes).Gotta go and drown out this argument with a little more base....Sayonara....K.Girl
